Simply Smiling

Good stuff and exciting things

2011-01-29T12:12:00.000-08:00

Long Time, lessons learned and a couple more steps in the right direction. I am blessed to have the amazing family and friends that I have. I can't imagine a life without people like them. They laugh with me through the good times, smile with me through my successes and gather near to me through my struggles. Can anyone aske for anything better then that? I wouldn't change it for the world! I'm feeling a little sarcastic today....so read this light heartedly.

Long time...Since I've been home from Idaho I've been working for Lake Las Vegas. It was a bit of a transition from being outside with kiddos all day to sitting in an office for long periods of time. I know this isn't the career of my choice, but I'm blessed to be able to pay my bills and have some mula to play with. I've also taken my GRE and began applying for graduate school and my path is clear now, so I can proudly say that I will be continuing my education in Recreation Therapy. All in these past few months I've been able to enjoy life and face some struggles and even though a few months seems like so long ago...it also feels like it went by way too fast. Time is getting shorter now that I'm getting older. I finally understand what my mom meant by that.

Lessons learned...I have had some battle with some successes and others not quite qualifying as failures but they definately weren't triumphs. For starts dating. Who thought they'd ever have to do this part again. I will tell you that I would give anything to just skip the awkwardness of first dates and the ever lasting worrying of whether this guy likes me or not. So there is lesson number one. I don't have enough time or energy to care if you like me. I think we have chemistry but if you don't call me again I will be ok. You may think that you are something special, and you might be, but the fact that you didn't call me back means you weren't that special FOR me. Lesson number two. I have more fun when I'm being myself, so if you don't like me the way I am, I'm not going to sweat over it. Lesson three. Initially I liked you, so why are you acting like a fool when we go out. Just stop that! I want to be me but I also want you to be you. Lesson 4. The games...oh the GAMES...they need to stop. I am too old and I know where I'm headed, so when you throw a fit when I have other plans or give me the run around for days because you want to play hard to get, I'm just going to wipe my hands of you. Let's cut all the fluffy flirting crap and just get straight to the point. We aren't getting any younger lets just get from a to b asap. Lesson 5 I know what I want and what I'm looking for so if I don't call you, your probably not what I'm looking for. By the way I would also like to mention that I can only send out so many signals for you to pick up. If you don't catch one of them its no problem with me.

These next few lessons are a bit more important and definately not related to dating. Lesson 6. I need to always be working on being a better person. When I take a break from this process I end up hurting myself or someone around me. This will be an eternal process and not something that will eventually end. It has potential to become easier once I make it a habit. Lesson 7 it is harder to be friends with a girl then a guy and it takes more work, but being friends with a girl has way more value and the triumphs in friendship are much sweeter. Girl talk is incredibly important, so its worth the work. Lesson 8 when you make bad decisions (even when you make bad decisions without consciously knowing) people around you know. Lesson 9 people are free to make their own choices and there is nothing you can do to stop them. You can warn them, counsel them, and love them but you can't force them.

I know I should have already "known" these lessons, but the truth is none of us KNOW these things until we expereince them first hand.

Steps in the right direction...Goals are being reached everyday. For starts I graduated college. Then took my GRE and will be submitting the last of my grad school applications next week. Then I will run a triathlon on April 30, hike Havasuipai Falls in the spring and visit at least one state I haven't seen before (Texas for my brother's wedding). I really want to get another intership before I leave for grad school, so the search is on. Obviously I'm also dating now. I thought my heart would never heal enough to head that direction, but I'm glad to say that it has.

This time around

2010-11-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

Once again I will attempt to update life. Life is crazy and scary in an adventurous sort of way. I spent the summer up in Idaho. Turns out I gained some insight into being a "grown up" while I was there. I started the summer in misery because I was away from my amazing support system, my friends and family, who have carried me through some of the hardest moments of my life thus far. I was on my own and it turned out to be one of the most amazing oppurtunties that I have ever had. I grew! I showed myself that I could do it, that I was a capable young woman with the ability to "make it on my own". Although I was never completely alone. I relied on my faith and prayers to get me through some tough times.

Idaho was beautiful. I had mountains and lakes and trees and fresh air. All the things that I thought I had hated because I was from the city. I experienced swimming in a real lake, water skiing, and white water rafting for the first time. I did hiking, camping, fishing or rock climbing almost every other weekend, and I was able to get back to nature. I spent some nights sitting on the back porch watching storms, I put my feet in the river while I read a book, or I laid on the grass staring at clouds or stars. Nature has such a healing power. That healing power is simply from slowing down and seeing all the Beauty God has put around us.

My weekdays were spent doing what I love most....working with my kids. There is nothing more exciting then to see a child who may struggle with a difference take another step out of there comfort zone to accomplish something great, whether it be a social goal, overcoming a physical challenge or learning to explore the world around them! I loved seeing kids running around in the large open spaces, picking up bugs and getting a bit grimy. That is something that I really hadn't experience before. I'm from the city where kids are scared of bugs and there isn't fresh soil for the kids to dig in. We have parks, they have nature. I fell in love with the outdoors and I'm determined to get back to a place where I can live a life like that when the time comes that I will raise a future family.

I graduated with my bachelors and I'm back home now. While it isn't a disappointment it is an adjustment. I am out of school and I was unemployed. I took a job with a corporation. This is the first corporate position I've ever been in and I'm not doing so well with it. I don't think that any amount of money in this world could make this a dream job for me. I love waking up to a day where I get to do something for someone else and I definately don't feel like that is what I do here, but it pays the bills and the people I work with are pretty amazing.

As far as my next career step goes, graduate school is definately in the future. I know that in past blogs I have talked about getting my degree in education psychology or social work. That's not me...I'm pretty sure my path is clearly spelled out, but since there has been so many changes in my plans, I will wait until the path is clear before me before I say much else on the matter. I just know my future is with children in a therapy setting.

The trauma of divorce still lingers on. This is nothing that I'm complaining about. This is something that I'm determined to make it through so that I am a better person. When faced with a dating situation or a situation involving emotions from the opposite sex I have made some pretty silly mistakes in hopes of protecting my heart. I know that I will be okay one day, but for now I have alot I need to work on. It's like I'm sixteen again and dating for the first time (you know alot of awkward moments) but I will make it! Thanks to this situation of mine I have been able to meet some of the best women and make some incredible friends and put some perspective on my life as to who I am and what I am made of. I can't say this experience was awful. It made me who Heavenly Father knew I was capable of being and continues to have some influence of the decisions I make.

Finally...I have accomplished so many goals that I have placed before me, but I have still been missing a few because of lack of finances. Now that I don't have tuition to pay I can get to work on them. For the next few months i will be attempting to accomplish these goals. On my list, hiking Havasupai Falls in Arizona, traveling to at least three states that I have never been to before(and possible travel out of the country), and accomplishing my first triathlon. I have set a date for the triathlon; MAY 2011!

A whole new world

2010-07-07T22:08:00.000-07:00

I'm attempting once again to record some of the special moments of my life. Last time I wrote was almost 8 months ago. So much has changed and I've learned alot. To start off....life lesson #1 things never go as you plan. I got accepted to multiple recreation therapy internships, but I chose the one in Las Vegas. Heavenly Father on the other hand chose the one in Sun Valley, Idaho. An interesting place it is! Not the best expereince of my life, but the best experience I could have in order to benefit the children that I will work with one day, or to meet the people I needed to meet in order to gain perspective on where my future may take me.

That's right....my master's is not what I planned for either. I am now headed in the direction of educational psychology or clinical social work. I met this incredible woman who has the same passion I do for the children that we work with. She complimented my approaches and told me how natural I was with getting the appropriate behavior from the children with special needs and told me that I would enjoy that line of work more. So I checked it out and it turns out she was right. So even though I've had a miserable experience being up here, I know that I was supposed to work with this lady. Like I said things never go as planned....oh the places we'll go.

This is my last semester, and then I will officially have a bachelor's degree. You think that when you get here it will be a big deal, but it turns out that you really just feel the same. The only difference is that I will be jobless and I won't have to be at school. Hmmmmm.......I'm not too sure if that is great or scary or both.....

My sister had her baby. He's healthy and happy. They're both doing well and big brother has been great. He's been helping mommy and hanging out with baby.

Well let's hope that this time I actually stick around to keep up on this stuff

WOW!!!

2009-12-01T10:12:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time, yet again, since I've written. School is almost over for this semester!!! Then its one more semester in the classrooms and a couple of internships to follow, then the decision on continuing on to Indiana or getting a real job and start paying back the student loans. Hard choice right?

This past week I was able to spend in Arizona. I was all over the place but spent most of my time in Morenci with my cousin Heather and her family. It was nice to relax and not feel like I was going a hundred miles an hour like I usually do. So thank you to them for the wonderful thanksgiving and letting me crash the party. I was also able to spend time with a couple of my other cousins too, which was a blast. I realized that I really like Arizona and I think I'm going to try and move down there for one of my two internships over the summer.

Other then that there's not much going on that's new. I know what an exciting life...but that's my life.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

escuela por favor!

2009-09-05T19:33:00.000-07:00

Hi! just going to write am update since its been such a long time. I got in a minor car accident a couple days ago...no worries I'm okay. I have to go to court though since my insurance card wasn't current. Dad gave me the wrong one when change companies...oops! And yes I will get the citation since it is considered my fault. I swirved to avoid getting hit by one car but ended up rearending the car infront of me that suddenly stopped. No biggy I guess.

School started 3 weeks ago and I feel like I can't get ahead. No matter how much I try I feel like I'm really far behind. It's going to be a really hard semester but I just have to keep reminding me of how close I am to the end and how soon I will be leaving Vegas to live in Bloomington to go to Indiana University for my master's program. I'm going to try and take an assistantship while I'm there to get some of my bills paid.

So as of now nothing too exciting but very soon I'll be off on a new adventure!

long weekends and busy summers

2009-07-29T11:13:00.000-07:00

Nothing too exciting to report. Just finishing another summer semester. I went to Indiana the this past weekend for a leadership conference for an student organization the me and my friend are starting at UNLV. It's called Best Buddies. its a little like big brother/sister. except a person like you or i develops a friendship with a person that has a developmental disability. they hang out, do community service, and leadership projects together.

the place that the conference was held is also the place that i have been looking at for my master's program. That's right i want to live in Bloomington, Indiana and be a hoosier. (what is a hoosier by the way???) the campus was beautiful and the weather was a nice (but that's because it wasn't snowing). I have a really good feeling about it! so in about a year from now i may be headed back there for 2 years to study...we'll see in time.

i have pictures i want to share but for some reason my blog blocks them from being posted. does anyone know what i'm doing wrong???

Hi

2009-06-27T15:18:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone. I dropped off the face of the earth once again. I tried so hard to post pictures of my camp from over spring break but I think that my computer is too slow so I'm going to try doing it at school next Thursday...no promises though.

Just a little catch-up though. So I'm taking this culture and cuisine class at UNLV for my multiculural credit. Its been a blast and I've made some new friends and I've had alot of new experiences.

I had Dim Sum for the first time and if you've never had it....DO IT! It's a great experience. I do suggest taking a Chinese friend or a friend who has had alot of experience. I also had Thai, German, Spanish and Danish food for the first time. Its been a blast. Not only because I like to eat but also because I didn't realize how little I knew about other cultures.

The best part of this update is that there is a new chapter of the Best Buddies oraganization starting at UNLV and I have been asked my the president to be her vice president. Alex the president and I met last semester and we went to camp together. Best buddies program allows a "typical" person adopt a friend with a cognitive or developmental disability.

Finally I am starting to look at grad schools. Next summer will be my internship and then I will be starting grad school in the fall, unless I get a job offer that I can't pass up. So I'm thinking about Law school (for disability advocacy), alternative Recreation therapy (rock climbing, kayaking, camping for people with physical disabilities), or occupational therapy (pediatrics). So I'm going to apply for all of them, 9 schools total, but what do you all think?

A BREAK

2009-05-13T14:28:00.000-07:00

So finals came and went. I got 4 A's and 2 B's. Not what I wanted but I'll Take them. It's kinda silly because it was my 2 easiest classes that I got the B's in. I was a little preoccupied with my core classes that I neglected my Environmental science and my p.e. class.

I have finally turned in my resignation for coaching. I realized that I love the children but I don't like the other coaches' philosophies. I also was asked to take on more responsibility yet again for work. Nothing I can't handle, especially now that I'm only working one job instead of 2.

I am still working on getting those pictures so I can do the story telling. I forgot to take my camera ro camp with me, so a friend of mine took pictures for me. I will see her on May 31st so that's when I'll be able to do all the pictures and stories.

I have 3 weeks until my next session of school starts. I am committing what they call suicide. I'm attempting to complete 18 credit hours this summer. But while I am waiting around I decided that I needed a project to complete. My good friend Bonny gave me some really old furniture that she didn't want to restore. I have always wanted to restore furniture, so that is what I will be working on for the next 3 weeks. I am already almost done with the first piece. I will take some before and after photos too.

I have committed to my first triathlon. Courtney and I will be competing in Solana Beach on July 27th. I have been saving alot and working out for 1 1/2-2 hours a day trying to lose weight and I figured if I bought the bike that I have wanted for a long time and set a goal to work to that I would renew my motivations.

Hope all is well with everyone else. Remember your sunscreen this summer. I already got fried...LOL!

Howdy

2009-04-16T20:43:00.000-07:00

It's been a while and I thought I might catch you all up. I hope Easter was a blast for everyone. So I just got back from Calabasas, California last Friday. It's right outside of Malibu near Pepperdine University. I was there with the Adaptive camp. It was one of the hardest learning experiences of my life, yet it was amazing. The camp ground were wonderful and very accessible. The beach was too cold for us to do much at but I have sooooo many stories to tell about the kids. When I get pictures I will be all over the story telling sessions. When you see the pictures the stories make more sense or they're way more funny.

BUT as soon as I got home I started having symptoms of the flu and I've been almost completely disfunctional. I've had to force myself to finish 4 project to turn in this week. All of which were successful and the last one being a game of goalball in my leadership class (very competative/aggressive combination of soccer/bowling/dodgeball played by people with visual impairment~too hard to explain just youtube it). and now its time to rest. but I only get 2 days to do that.

Networking

2009-03-27T14:08:00.000-07:00

I never was so sure about things in my life until this semester! I have amazing professor who all seem to care about me, my successes and where I'm headed in life. They are checking up on me regularly and one of them is even helping me set up my own curriculum for my major (I'm her experiment).

I'm waiting to hear back about this job offer from the BLM, but what it looks like is that I will be the adaptive specialist for her outdoor adventure program. This lady takes the kids from elementary schools all over the valley to different outdoor activities like kayaking and rock climbing, so they can have a positive and conducive experience with nature (most of them are inner city children and will never have the any other opportunity to be exposed. The evidence shows that the earlier a child has an outdoor experience, the more they will like it and the more they will do later in life to help conserve it). Anyway the point to this is that I will be helping modify the program (as part of my college curriculum) so that children with special need or physical barriers will be able to have the experience too. I can't wait to hear from her and I hope I get to do this.

Today I had another chance to network. I went to a luncheon with only 5 other students and I was able to meet professionals in the fields that were related to my major. To be honest with you, for me it was a bit of a struggle since everyone knows that I tend to be on the shy side. But I was able "schmooze" with a lot of people and practically went through an interview right on the spot with all the professionals at my table. They were asking all kinds of questions and giving me business info/cards. So today's lunch was a success. I was able to impress people and meet people that may be able to provide me other opportunities in the future. That's exactly what my professors wanted and that's exactly what I was able to do.

Fantastic News

2009-03-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

Ok so I have some fantastic news. If this doesn't confirm that this is what I am meant to do I don't know what is.

My favorite professor approached me on Wednesday and told me that she was going to nominate me for a scholarship. Then I had to meet with my academic advisor today and we got all the complicated stuff ironed out. Because UNLV doesn't actually offer the degree that I'm working for I have to take some distant education classes from ASU. However there are 2 rules that are complicating things so there is a possibility that I may have to transfer down to ASU to finish my degree.

Then after I got done talking to my adviser I went to follow up with my professor, since she's overseeing my program, and she told me that she wanted to invite me to a luncheon next week. This luncheon is for professional networking and only 10 of the top students get to go. So I'm feeling really good about this and I'm so excited.

This Better Work!

2009-03-19T20:48:00.000-07:00

Ok so I got a personal trainer a few weeks ago and I've been working my booty off trying to get this weight off of me. I feel like I'm practically starving myself because of this horrible diet he's got me on. And believe it or not I've been getting up around 5:30 am every morning Monday-Saturday to get to the gym before my day starts, because I know myself well enough that if I don't get to the gym the three days that I'm not working with him, I won't get there at all because my days are non-stop until around 7 pm and then I'm too pooped to really work at working out!

It has only been 3 weeks, but I'm frustrated because I'm not seeing any results beside 4 pounds. No real change in my body, unless I just can't see it. I'll post my before picture as soon as I get it, so that you can see my afters in 12 more weeks.

Broken Heart...Once Again!

2009-02-24T14:26:00.000-08:00

So many of you are aware of my recent circumstances of being forced to be single about 6 months ago. For the past few months I have been in limbo praying that things will work out. I have been holding out since last August hoping that there would be some positive outcome to this situation, but that never came.

Then I got the phone call telling me that the end is very much in sight and once again my heart has broken. Like I said before I've waited this long hoping that things would work out. On top off this there's probably going to be a fight over nothing that needs to be fought about at all. Just greed and selfishness. I don't know why that surprises me though, that's what most of this past six months have been anyway.

I know that in time with constant prayer and a lot of tears eventually I will be okay. I guess now is the time to show myself how strong I am, because Heavenly Father only gives us what we can handle...

Not a real update

2009-02-18T20:00:00.000-08:00

Ok so I didn't have a great trip anywhere, a baby, a child to show off or even a Valentine's day event, or some great skill that I want to show, so if you were looking at this for something fun you might want to move on to the next person's page. I just want to feel important and talks...JUST KIDDING!

Really nothing new going on in my life. I just got done studying for my first 2 test of the semester tomorrow. I'd like to point out my St. Patrick's day Theme. Take close notice to my music selection...All Irish groups (not all my favorite Irish groups had music available though)This is one of my favorite holidays because my favorite color is green and because I love leprechans (did i spell that right?).

This St. Patrick's day I have made it a goal to go to an Irish Pub (or as close to what we have in Las Vegas) and listen to live music....I don't even care if I have to do it alone but I do realize it would be way more fun with someone else.

Bonjour

2009-02-06T20:34:00.000-08:00

Hello Guys~

I have had a long week and am very excited for it to be almost done (I still have to work one more day before I get a day off). I just finished teaching a training course. My class was great and I really enjoyed them. Unfortunately it was a pass fail course and the one person I thought was very capable of passing the class was the first person I ever had to fail in my 4 years of teaching this training class. Needless to say I'm very disappointed and I didn't like the way I felt doing it.

I also am about to face my first testing week of the semester. I can't believe that it has already been 5 weeks of school. That means I only have 11 left.

My cousin had a baby this week as well and my sister is headed to Brazil for 10 days. Lucky her! So it's been eventuful for all. I hope everyone is doing well. I love you!

Thoughts on happiness

2009-01-28T12:24:00.000-08:00

So believe it or not there is a class about the Psychology of recreation...and its mandatory that I take it. It's been very interesting the things you learn. Do you know happy people live an average of 17 or more years longer then depressed people? Did you also know that optimists have less accurate perception of reality then a pessimist? I have made it the goal to become the happiest pessimist you'll ever meet! LOL!!! (supposedly this is an impossible task but since I'm a happy pessimist anything is possible if I'm real about it).

Yes there is an air of sarcasm in this text.

I suggest everyone read Authentic Happiness by Seligman. My prof. using it as a text book, but it is kind of a self help book to. Really worth the read though

Updated Info

2009-01-25T17:34:00.000-08:00

Ok so maybe I spoke too soon. Its not necessarily official that I might be leaving Las Vegas. The day after I posted that blog, I talked to my supervisors about letting me temporarily leave so I could do the internship, they told me that it really wasn't possible for me to have that much time. They were going to have to let me go and fill my position. Then the next day I was given more responsibility at work, kinda a mini promotion. So I think they are trying to keep me...and it might just be working. I also found out that my job already counts toward my hours for the mini internship, so I really don't need to do one.

I'm going to explore my options here in Las Vegas before I make an official decision. But I love my job and I'd really like to stay there, but at the same time it would be fun to get more experience in the other areas of this work. I leave you all posted.

By the way I might just do some Valentine's stuff this year. I think it would be some what therapeutic to my current situation...lol!

I'm leaving Las Vegas...

2009-01-22T21:05:00.000-08:00

for the summer! In the program that I'm in you have to get 300 hours in the field you intend to work in and then you have to do 2 internships, one mini (2 months) and one regular (4 months). I've made it official, I'm leaving Vegas for the summer for my half internship. I'll either be headed to Sacremento or Idaho. In Cali. I'll be working with children with medical conditions and in Idaho I'll be doing an out door camp for children with developmental issues....oh and this spring break I'm headed to SoCal for another camp.

Just an Update

2009-01-22T20:53:00.000-08:00

Hey all...

So the past 2 weeks have been an adventure. Classes started and I've had a ton of homework. I'm not used to this load since this is the most amount of classes I have taken in one semester. It's always hard to get into a structured schedule when your work hours and study hours are pretty unpredictable.

Usually you never see the same 2 faces in your classes, but since the program that I am in is a combination program and is fairly small, I get to see almost all the same people all day and since I'm a bit shy, I'm sure it goes without saying that I'm out of my comfort zone sitting in the class room with a bunch of rude rich kids, who find it entertaining to talk over the professors and make fun of people.

Other then that, my professors are great and I'm learning alot. I'm excited to see how I do and what I learn!!!

Valentine's Day

2009-01-13T19:50:00.000-08:00

I know its a while away but I was just looking at backrounds for my blog and saw Valentine's Day blogs....Just to let you all know I will not be acknowleding that holiday this year and for the next month I will be picketing any location with decorations, unless its absolutely nessecary for me to go in it.....

Adventure in a Boring Life

2009-01-13T19:39:00.000-08:00

Ok so for the past few months all I've been able to do is work, go to church, sleep, eat and spend time with my family. Not that the last one is too bad. I really enjoy my family, but for a person my age, that's not the most exciting life, and being in the circumstances that I'm currently in I'm not allowed to do much else.

So anyway the adventure in my not so exciting life was my first day back to college classes. It was great. Just another confirmation that my education is headed in the right direction. One of my professors was impressed with my reasons and choice in major, simply its very similar to what she does. So she seems to have taken a special interest in me and told me to be in regular communication with her so she knows how I'm doing. I don't know about anyone else, but its nice to have some one care about you like that. All my professors seem to be a somewhat interesting, not like that boring professors I had when I was a pre-law major.

To top it off I signed up for a pilates class at school. Tomorrow I will have one more new class to conquer, but this one I think I might be ok in....since its the topic of the field I already work in(with my luck though it will be my hardest class to take...lol).

Butterflies in My Tummy

2009-01-12T23:18:00.000-08:00

I'm so nervous!

You know how when you were little you and the night before school started you couln't sleep and you tossed and turned all night?

Yeah that's how I'm feeling right now. I can't belive that I'm feeling like this either. I am so excited to get back to a real university campus...but why am I so nervous? who knows any more. I want to sleep so bad, but I just can't do it. Usually I read before I go to bed because that helps me fall asleep, however I read my scripture and then like 10 chapters in my book, but that didn't do it. So here I am blogging. I've set up a new backround and check out my music.

Now I'm trying to figure out what else I should be doing to try and get a decent night sleep.......

Welcoming the New Year

2008-12-28T12:55:00.000-08:00

I don't know about everyone else, but I am seriously looking forward with great anticipation in starting a new year. This past year has been packed with too much excitement and disappointments. I have so many things that I'm blessed to be taking on in this new year.

First I will finally be able to pay all my bills by myself without depending on other people. I have decided instead of taking the full time 9am-6pm position that I was offered at one of the new casinos, I have chosen to stay at my current part time job (teaching sports to special needs children) and going back to coaching the novice swimmers on the team that I swam on when I was younger. This way I have a more fulfilling job and flexible hours to continue my second adventure which is school.

I love college but I have never been so excited to get back into the swing of school. First my financial aid came through so I will be able to go to school without worrying how to make my next tuition payment. Second, I have never really known what degree I was going to major in, but now I know and I have never been so sure what my calling in life is. I am going to school for a degree in recreation, once I get that I will become a recreation therapist and pursue continuing my education in Occupational therapy. Looking for grad schools has been very exciting. The majority of schools that I am looking into are back east, because they have the programs that specialize in Children with special needs. Since Courtney is planning to become a physical therapist, him and I are considering opening up practice together when we are both done.

The last thing I'm looking forward to is working on being a better me. I have had alot of struggles this past year that have mixed up my mind. So i have never been more motivated on really working on becoming the person that I've always wanted to be. so with one small goal at a time, I'm going to work on me.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-28T12:36:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas. Ours was wonderful. I spent it with my family (I couldn't imagine Christmas without them). Of course it wasn't as normal as every year. I struggled getting into the spirit of it all, but with all the shopping and cooking and forcing myself to listen to Christmas music (generally I can't get enough of it but this year it was a bit of a struggle to hear it), I eventually just decided to make it a really spiritual year and focus on the real meaning. That helped allot. Then Brice went and cut down the world's ugliest and most deadly Christmas tree. The Christmas tree is my favorite decoration with exception to my mom's fantastic nativity set. So as pathetic as that may sound that was another emotional issue I had to over come. I do want to say thank you Brice for the tree anyway. My family didn't celebrate on Christmas, Mom and Brice had to work, so we celebrated on Saturday. It didn't really feel like a normal Warren Christmas, but it was wonderful to be with my family.

So I got this awesome whimsical cake cook book....Thank you nephew, Mark. I intend on using it from now on for special occasions. WARNING...you all will be eating cake for your birthdays from now on. I also got some really nice clothes that I'm excited to wear on my return to school this semester. And I got a beautiful pashmina throw, that will come in handy at church, since it always seems to be only 32 degrees in that building.We had a delicious candle lit dinner and ice cream for desert (normally we have home made pies but mom ran out of time this year. that's OK though I love ice cream too). I love Christmas!

Gratitude

2008-11-28T21:14:00.000-08:00

Ok so I am a day late on this post. Sorry for that. Let me start off by telling you that it has been and will be a really rough holiday season. I will try my hardest to be as stable as I can but I have caught myself feeling sorry for myself and loathing in my my pity. I know that everything happens for a reason but I'm struggling with my situation since I won't be spending the holidays the way I would like to.

I want my family to know that I am so so so very grateful for them. With everything that has been going on in my life, I haven't been stable enough to take care of myself. You all have let me borrow your solid foundation while mine has been crumbling beneath me. I'm especially grateful for Shanna my amazing big sister, Heather my sweet cousin, and my Mom the most amazing woman and mother that anyone could ever possibly be. They have lent me there shoulder to cry on, a helping hand as I struggle, they've pulled my head out of the clouds when I can't think straight and held it up when I've been to humiliated to do it myself. I can't thank them enough. I also want to say thank you to my Daddy who has loved me, provided for me again these past few months, and has shown me what a real man should be.

I thank my Heavenly Father for everything that I am so blessed to have, I am thankful for living in the Land of the Free and having all the rights that come with that blessing. I am thankful for my struggles, they make me a better person. I am thankful for a job during these difficult times.

What I Am

2008-11-14T17:29:00.000-08:00

This period in my life has been a time of contemplation. I have decided for the first time in my life I really know who I am, how important I am and where I'd like to go. I know that I am a Daughter of God, my parents child, my sister's friend. I know I'm important to my nephew who loves me lots and to the children I am so blessed to work for and they too are important to me.

But who I want to be is...better. I want to learn more in school, about myself, and the Gospel. I want to be a little closer to my Heavenly Father everyday, I want to learn something new about the world everyday and I want to discover new talents to share with the world all the time. I want to be a better family member (I know my actions this past few days have said otherwise).

I know it all sounds so silly but because of my recent trials I have been especially sensative to alot of things that are going on around me and have been a bit bothered by things that I wouldn't normally let get to me. Like watching people spend too much money when they can't even pay their own bills, or people telling me that I have too much faith (maybe they don't have enough) and that I rely on my Heavenly Father too much and even watched people mistreat one another over basic differences. I knowthat I am guilty of these things, but that is not who I want to be. There are many more things that my sensitivies have been gathering those are just a few examples. I'm not complaining though because it just makes me know what I want to do better and what I need to correct.

An ever changing life

2008-11-01T14:47:00.000-07:00

I have always had an attraction to the cherry blossom and I never knew why up until recently. It's the national flower of Japan. It is an extremely delicate flower with a very short life period. Right after the flower fully blooms it falls, dying at the height of its life. To the Japanese this represents the delicate nature of life itself and the natural time for all beautiful things to end and there is a need for constant change in nature.

As I face a challenge in my life. I have chosen to face this in a very different way. Normally I am very pessimistic, but as this very important time in my life may or may not be coming to a close I want to look at things in a more positive light. This part of my life has been amazing and when I thought things were at their best it was quickly yanked out from under me and now I have to face the task of moving forward. As I can see from the flower things have ended at the height of this period in my life but there is a time for all things to end and even if things aren't coming to a close I do know that they will never be the same (ie change)

Every moment good or not is a part of life and one that will bring change and hopefully for the better. Enjoy it or endore it because in its the right time it will pass. All challenges can be looked at in 2 ways. Either they're there to be in your way and make life difficult or they are there to make you better as you practice your patience and any other skills you need to develop to get through it. So yeah right now my heart hurts and almost everyday is a struggle to face but I'm going to take the higher road. I know that I am loved by my Heavenly Father and my family and that this can only make me a better person.