Gratitude

Ok so I am a day late on this post. Sorry for that. Let me start off by telling you that it has been and will be a really rough holiday season. I will try my hardest to be as stable as I can but I have caught myself feeling sorry for myself and loathing in my my pity. I know that everything happens for a reason but I'm struggling with my situation since I won't be spending the holidays the way I would like to.

I want my family to know that I am so so so very grateful for them. With everything that has been going on in my life, I haven't been stable enough to take care of myself. You all have let me borrow your solid foundation while mine has been crumbling beneath me. I'm especially grateful for Shanna my amazing big sister, Heather my sweet cousin, and my Mom the most amazing woman and mother that anyone could ever possibly be. They have lent me there shoulder to cry on, a helping hand as I struggle, they've pulled my head out of the clouds when I can't think straight and held it up when I've been to humiliated to do it myself. I can't thank them enough. I also want to say thank you to my Daddy who has loved me, provided for me again these past few months, and has shown me what a real man should be.

I thank my Heavenly Father for everything that I am so blessed to have, I am thankful for living in the Land of the Free and having all the rights that come with that blessing. I am thankful for my struggles, they make me a better person. I am thankful for a job during these difficult times.

What I Am

This period in my life has been a time of contemplation. I have decided for the first time in my life I really know who I am, how important I am and where I'd like to go. I know that I am a Daughter of God, my parents child, my sister's friend. I know I'm important to my nephew who loves me lots and to the children I am so blessed to work for and they too are important to me.

But who I want to be is...better. I want to learn more in school, about myself, and the Gospel. I want to be a little closer to my Heavenly Father everyday, I want to learn something new about the world everyday and I want to discover new talents to share with the world all the time. I want to be a better family member (I know my actions this past few days have said otherwise).

I know it all sounds so silly but because of my recent trials I have been especially sensative to alot of things that are going on around me and have been a bit bothered by things that I wouldn't normally let get to me. Like watching people spend too much money when they can't even pay their own bills, or people telling me that I have too much faith (maybe they don't have enough) and that I rely on my Heavenly Father too much and even watched people mistreat one another over basic differences. I knowthat I am guilty of these things, but that is not who I want to be. There are many more things that my sensitivies have been gathering those are just a few examples. I'm not complaining though because it just makes me know what I want to do better and what I need to correct.

An ever changing life

I have always had an attraction to the cherry blossom and I never knew why up until recently. It's the national flower of Japan. It is an extremely delicate flower with a very short life period. Right after the flower fully blooms it falls, dying at the height of its life. To the Japanese this represents the delicate nature of life itself and the natural time for all beautiful things to end and there is a need for constant change in nature.

As I face a challenge in my life. I have chosen to face this in a very different way. Normally I am very pessimistic, but as this very important time in my life may or may not be coming to a close I want to look at things in a more positive light. This part of my life has been amazing and when I thought things were at their best it was quickly yanked out from under me and now I have to face the task of moving forward. As I can see from the flower things have ended at the height of this period in my life but there is a time for all things to end and even if things aren't coming to a close I do know that they will never be the same (ie change)

Every moment good or not is a part of life and one that will bring change and hopefully for the better. Enjoy it or endore it because in its the right time it will pass. All challenges can be looked at in 2 ways. Either they're there to be in your way and make life difficult or they are there to make you better as you practice your patience and any other skills you need to develop to get through it. So yeah right now my heart hurts and almost everyday is a struggle to face but I'm going to take the higher road. I know that I am loved by my Heavenly Father and my family and that this can only make me a better person.