Welcoming the New Year

I don't know about everyone else, but I am seriously looking forward with great anticipation in starting a new year. This past year has been packed with too much excitement and disappointments. I have so many things that I'm blessed to be taking on in this new year.

First I will finally be able to pay all my bills by myself without depending on other people. I have decided instead of taking the full time 9am-6pm position that I was offered at one of the new casinos, I have chosen to stay at my current part time job (teaching sports to special needs children) and going back to coaching the novice swimmers on the team that I swam on when I was younger. This way I have a more fulfilling job and flexible hours to continue my second adventure which is school.

I love college but I have never been so excited to get back into the swing of school. First my financial aid came through so I will be able to go to school without worrying how to make my next tuition payment. Second, I have never really known what degree I was going to major in, but now I know and I have never been so sure what my calling in life is. I am going to school for a degree in recreation, once I get that I will become a recreation therapist and pursue continuing my education in Occupational therapy. Looking for grad schools has been very exciting. The majority of schools that I am looking into are back east, because they have the programs that specialize in Children with special needs. Since Courtney is planning to become a physical therapist, him and I are considering opening up practice together when we are both done.

The last thing I'm looking forward to is working on being a better me. I have had alot of struggles this past year that have mixed up my mind. So i have never been more motivated on really working on becoming the person that I've always wanted to be. so with one small goal at a time, I'm going to work on me.

Merry Christmas

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas. Ours was wonderful. I spent it with my family (I couldn't imagine Christmas without them). Of course it wasn't as normal as every year. I struggled getting into the spirit of it all, but with all the shopping and cooking and forcing myself to listen to Christmas music (generally I can't get enough of it but this year it was a bit of a struggle to hear it), I eventually just decided to make it a really spiritual year and focus on the real meaning. That helped allot. Then Brice went and cut down the world's ugliest and most deadly Christmas tree. The Christmas tree is my favorite decoration with exception to my mom's fantastic nativity set. So as pathetic as that may sound that was another emotional issue I had to over come. I do want to say thank you Brice for the tree anyway. My family didn't celebrate on Christmas, Mom and Brice had to work, so we celebrated on Saturday. It didn't really feel like a normal Warren Christmas, but it was wonderful to be with my family.

So I got this awesome whimsical cake cook book....Thank you nephew, Mark. I intend on using it from now on for special occasions. WARNING...you all will be eating cake for your birthdays from now on. I also got some really nice clothes that I'm excited to wear on my return to school this semester. And I got a beautiful pashmina throw, that will come in handy at church, since it always seems to be only 32 degrees in that building.We had a delicious candle lit dinner and ice cream for desert (normally we have home made pies but mom ran out of time this year. that's OK though I love ice cream too). I love Christmas!

Gratitude

Ok so I am a day late on this post. Sorry for that. Let me start off by telling you that it has been and will be a really rough holiday season. I will try my hardest to be as stable as I can but I have caught myself feeling sorry for myself and loathing in my my pity. I know that everything happens for a reason but I'm struggling with my situation since I won't be spending the holidays the way I would like to.

I want my family to know that I am so so so very grateful for them. With everything that has been going on in my life, I haven't been stable enough to take care of myself. You all have let me borrow your solid foundation while mine has been crumbling beneath me. I'm especially grateful for Shanna my amazing big sister, Heather my sweet cousin, and my Mom the most amazing woman and mother that anyone could ever possibly be. They have lent me there shoulder to cry on, a helping hand as I struggle, they've pulled my head out of the clouds when I can't think straight and held it up when I've been to humiliated to do it myself. I can't thank them enough. I also want to say thank you to my Daddy who has loved me, provided for me again these past few months, and has shown me what a real man should be.

I thank my Heavenly Father for everything that I am so blessed to have, I am thankful for living in the Land of the Free and having all the rights that come with that blessing. I am thankful for my struggles, they make me a better person. I am thankful for a job during these difficult times.

What I Am

This period in my life has been a time of contemplation. I have decided for the first time in my life I really know who I am, how important I am and where I'd like to go. I know that I am a Daughter of God, my parents child, my sister's friend. I know I'm important to my nephew who loves me lots and to the children I am so blessed to work for and they too are important to me.

But who I want to be is...better. I want to learn more in school, about myself, and the Gospel. I want to be a little closer to my Heavenly Father everyday, I want to learn something new about the world everyday and I want to discover new talents to share with the world all the time. I want to be a better family member (I know my actions this past few days have said otherwise).

I know it all sounds so silly but because of my recent trials I have been especially sensative to alot of things that are going on around me and have been a bit bothered by things that I wouldn't normally let get to me. Like watching people spend too much money when they can't even pay their own bills, or people telling me that I have too much faith (maybe they don't have enough) and that I rely on my Heavenly Father too much and even watched people mistreat one another over basic differences. I knowthat I am guilty of these things, but that is not who I want to be. There are many more things that my sensitivies have been gathering those are just a few examples. I'm not complaining though because it just makes me know what I want to do better and what I need to correct.

An ever changing life

I have always had an attraction to the cherry blossom and I never knew why up until recently. It's the national flower of Japan. It is an extremely delicate flower with a very short life period. Right after the flower fully blooms it falls, dying at the height of its life. To the Japanese this represents the delicate nature of life itself and the natural time for all beautiful things to end and there is a need for constant change in nature.

As I face a challenge in my life. I have chosen to face this in a very different way. Normally I am very pessimistic, but as this very important time in my life may or may not be coming to a close I want to look at things in a more positive light. This part of my life has been amazing and when I thought things were at their best it was quickly yanked out from under me and now I have to face the task of moving forward. As I can see from the flower things have ended at the height of this period in my life but there is a time for all things to end and even if things aren't coming to a close I do know that they will never be the same (ie change)

Every moment good or not is a part of life and one that will bring change and hopefully for the better. Enjoy it or endore it because in its the right time it will pass. All challenges can be looked at in 2 ways. Either they're there to be in your way and make life difficult or they are there to make you better as you practice your patience and any other skills you need to develop to get through it. So yeah right now my heart hurts and almost everyday is a struggle to face but I'm going to take the higher road. I know that I am loved by my Heavenly Father and my family and that this can only make me a better person.